Write with a “You” Attitude

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—Bite-sized advice for better business writing—

Write with a “You” Attitude

“The great gift of human beings is that we have the power of empathy.”

— Meryl Streep

As I was heading out on my first date, my father gave me some conversation advice: “Talk about things she is interested in.” It worked! Instead of telling her about my favorite movie (Star Wars, of course), I asked what her favorite movie was.

Adopting a “you” attitude rather than a “me” attitude works not just on dates but also in business. If you write to colleagues and clients and customers all about your world, they likely won’t care. If you instead place your message in their world, you’ll connect.

How can I adopt a “you” attitude?

To shift your message into the reader’s world, do the following:

1. Ask yourself, “What does my reader want?” Think from the perspective of your reader. Then show how your idea benefits the person.

“Me” Attitude
I just got wonderful tickets to see the touring company of Hamilton, so I need you to take my shift on Wednesday.

“You” Attitude
You recently said you needed to pick up more hours. How about taking my Wednesday shift? I’ll cover for you when you need time off.

2. Put customers and clients ahead of your company. Don’t tout what a great business you have. Instead, show how wonderful the customer will feel because of your business.

Company-Focused
Reymund Remodeling installs the most windows and siding in the tri-state area.

Customer-Focused
You’ll love your draft-free windows and your maintenance-free siding, expertly installed by Reymund Remodeling.

3. Reduce “I,” “me,” “my,” and “mine.” If first-person singular pronouns fill your writing, you are in your own world. Recast the ideas using “you” language.

“I” Language
I need help with reorganizing my sales contacts in the new system.

“You” Language
Your expertise with the new system could really help me reorganize sales contacts.

4. Use “we,” “us,” “our,” and “ours” to connect with readers. Avoid using “we” to exclude the reader. Instead, use “we” inclusively to foster teamwork.

“We” Exclusive
We reviewed your proposal and decided we will proceed with your idea.

“We” Inclusive
We can work together to make this proposal work for all of us.

5. Avoid “you” in negative situations. It can sound accusatory.

“You” Negative
We did not choose you to be Employee of the Month.

Neutral Language
Another staffer will be Employee of the Month.

6. Show empathy and gratitude. Feel what your reader feels and connect with the person.

Callous Language
Keep submitting ideas. One of these times, you’ll come up with something good.

Empathetic Language
Although we can’t implement this change now, please keep the great ideas coming!

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Play the Editor!

The following bid rejection letter desperately needs a “you” attitude adjustment. Rework it to show empathy and gratitude. Connect to the reader’s perspective and use pronouns effectively.

Our Planning and Development Committee reviewed dozens of proposals to design and develop Everson’s eight-acre city park adjacent to Kingston Elementary School and the Nooksack River. We worked really hard, and we couldn’t be more pleased with the result.

We did not select your proposal. You met some of the criteria outlined in our original Request for Proposals (RFP). Your cost estimates, experience, and references were on par with other bidders.

However, Earth-Scape Design won! They had a great overall plan. They included a variety of native plant species, making a natural, sustainable landscape. It will require less long-term care and create less stress on the Nooksack watershed than your plan would have. Also, Earth-Scape Design’s plant selections offer added educational value, which yours don’t.

Our Planning and Development Committee has triumphed again! We look forward to working hand in glove with Earth-Scape Design on this multi-million dollar project to create a gorgeous city park that will be the pride of Everson.

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Get More Support

Check out the Write for Business Guide, Courses, and eTips for more strategies for connecting to and persuading readers.

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Editor’s Answer

Thank you for your bid to design and develop Everson’s eight-acre city park adjacent to Kingston Elementary School and the Nooksack River.

Your bid was competitive for several of the criteria outlined in our original Request for Proposals (RFP). Your cost estimates, experience, and references were as strong as those from other bidders. However, Earth-Scape Design’s overall plan tipped the bid in their favor. By including a variety of native plant species, Earth-Scape’s natural, sustainable landscape will require less long-term care and create less stress on the Nooksack watershed. Because their plan contains a variety of plants, it also offers added educational value.

The Planning and Development Committee appreciates the work that you put into your proposal. We look forward to your interest in future Everson projects.