Avoiding Unclear Pronouns

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—Bite-sized advice for better business writing—

September 10, 2019

Avoiding Unclear Pronouns

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times . . .”

The famous line quoted above kicks off Charles Dickens’s classic novel A Tale of Two Cities. But what exactly does “it” in each clause refer to? Readers of Dickens spend 300-some pages exploring the answer.

Readers of business writing aren't so patient. They expect immediate clarity, so you should always make sure your pronouns clearly refer to a specific person, place, thing, or idea.

What is an unclear pronoun reference?

An unclear pronoun reference occurs when the reader is unsure what word the pronoun refers to (its antecedent). To fix a pronoun-reference error, substitute the correct noun for the pronoun or reword the sentence.

Too many antecedents

Watch for sentences that include more than one possible antecedent.

Unclear: When the Army pharmacist prepared a flu shot for the officer, he winced. (Who winced—the pharmacist or the officer?)

Clear: When the Army pharmacist prepared a flu shot for the officer, the officer winced.

Clear: The officer winced when the Army pharmacist prepared a flu shot for him.

Missing antecedents

Avoid pronouns that don't refer back to any part of the sentence.

Unclear: The buyer called the mortgage office, but they didn't pick up. (Who is they?)

Clear: The buyer called the mortgage office, but no brokers picked up.

Clear: The buyer called the mortgage brokers, but they didn't pick up.

Who, which, or that clauses divorced from their antecedents

A relative pronoun connects a dependent clause to the main clause. Like other pronouns, who, which, and that must refer to a specific noun or noun phrase. To create clarity, always place the relative pronoun immediately following the word it refers to.

Unclear: Return your surveys by Monday, which will complete the review process. (Which is unclear—it doesn’t refer to a specific noun.)

Clear: By Monday, return your surveys, which will complete the review process.

It, this, that, or they used in reference to a whole sentence 

These pronouns should refer to a specific noun, not an entire sentence.

Unclear: The building plan includes a co-working space, a rock-climbing wall, and a small coffee shop. This adheres to zoning code.

Clear: The building plan includes a co-working space, a rock-climbing wall, and a small coffee shop. The multiple-use plan adheres to zoning codes.

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Play the Editor!

Copy the following business letter into a document. Then identify and fix the unclear pronoun references. (Hint: The letter includes four unclear pronouns.)

Dear Pat Wilson,
 
Congratulations on opening Potato Patch and adding to Westville’s vibrant food scene, which provides a delicious alternative to fast food. When one of my Chamber of Commerce colleagues discussed Potato Patch with the Chamber president, he raved about your delicious food and inviting Irish décor. All of us at the Chamber believe Westville needs Potato Patch, and we want to make sure your business thrives.
 
The Westville Chamber of Commerce has a dynamic local business network, and it can help your restaurant succeed in a crowded restaurant market. It helps business owners collectively solve problems and implement solutions.
 
We at the Westville Chamber of Commerce are here for you. We want you to succeed, and we want you to be part of our dynamic group. To join, simply complete the enclosed application and return it to our office or complete the online application, which will allow you to access member benefits. Join now, and let us help you grow Potato Patch!
 
Sincerely,
 
Barbara DeSmitt
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Get More Support

Check out the Write for Business Guide for more tips for clear writing.

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Editor's Recommendation

Dear Pat Wilson,

Congratulations on opening Potato Patch and adding to Westville’s vibrant food scene. Your new restaurant provides a delicious alternative to fast food. When discussing Potato Patch with the Chamber president, one of my Chamber colleagues raved about your delicious food and inviting Irish décor. All of us at the Chamber believe Westville needs Potato Patch, and we want to make sure your business thrives.

Through our dynamic local business network, the Westville Chamber of Commerce can help your restaurant succeed in a crowded restaurant market. Our member business owners collectively solve problems and implement solutions.

We at the Westville Chamber of Commerce are here for you. We want you to succeed, and we want you to be part of our dynamic group. To join and access member benefits, just complete the enclosed application and return it to our office or fill out an online application. Join now, and let us help you grow Potato Patch!

Sincerely,

Barbara DeSmitt